Insomnia for the past few nights, including now…
My mind is in a mess these few nights. Whenever I closes my mind, my mind starts to think about how PC and PS will treat me when I go back to HQ7SIB. Don’t really have a good impression of them after hearing what they say to me (Insomnia, Paranoid, Rants).
Sigh, I cant sleep well at night, my mind is in a complete mess. What I think of imagine of every night is both of them scolding me when I get back there. My locker is unpacked as previously they said we are going to shift bunk, ask us pack all stuffs into duffler bag. Got stuffs at home to bring back to camp as well. Sigh. They bound to blame me for not packing up my locker beforehand. Sigh. Blame me for not keeping my fieldpack with all the items inside. Or they are given a task to do like fieldpack inspection on the day I am back and I am suppose to rush thru and get my stuffs ready while others already packed them few days ago. I don’t really like this type of last minute stuffs.
I am not really good with talking with people, don’t know how to talk in a way people like to hear. I got a fear of approaching people, asking them what should I do. Arg. They don’t know anything about my condition and I fear that they make me do physical exercises we used to do without me having a chance to explain to them I cant do them as I used to be. Wonder who will understand me and help out in the platoon when I get back there. At least at Mandai Hill Camp I have got Daniel. He is in a different unit but at least I can call him out to have a drink at the canteen when I feel out of place. But at my main camp. Everybody seems to only care about themselves.
Why cant the important persons in the platoon be more understanding? Why they just make life more miserable? Got a friend of mine who got confined to 2145hrs before he can book out while others has booked out. Reason? Was something like, since he like staying inside the bunk everytime, I give him time to stay inside lah. Crap.
Ahhh… Can anybody advice me what to do? Sigh.